About Me

2014 Needs a Reboot

~ Shara ~ 7 Comments

I haven’t been blogging. This comes as no great surprise, I know. If I’m lucky, I put up my monthly “Culture Consumption” and that’s about it. This year, I thought I’d get in some writing updates, and to date, there is one. My brain has not been in a blogging frame of mind, for which there are lots of reasons.

I’m writing this on my new-to-me laptop. I convinced my husband he needed to upgrade HIS laptop and give me his old one, and I finally won. Since I’m attending a writer’s conference the end of March, I really wanted a laptop to take with me and work on. Also, I’ve been chomping at the bit to have one to do regular internet things, like Facebook and checking my sites and whatnot, so that when I sit down at the iMac (my regular computer), it’s for SERIOUS STUFF. Like writing. Balancing the checkbook, and doing taxes (which I really need to get started on).

So yay for that. But I have to say, to date, 2014 has been a drag. This time of year is always kind of gray for me mentally, and every year, I realize that S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder) hits my psyche harder than I remember or even want to admit. But after years of going through this, especially after seeing my comments on my retired book blog about how I don’t feel like reading this time of year, I have to finally admit (and then promptly forget in the Spring), that this is a THING for me.

But it’s not been made any better by the events of this year. Sometimes you’re riding along life, thinking things are just peachy-keen, and life throws you such a fast and hard curveball that you’re left reeling, wondering if the curveball was really meant for you, what it means, and if it really exists and if it’ll just go away if you just focus on something else. My ability to focus has been fairly shattered, and more than anything, I’d like 2014 to start over and, armed with the knowledge I have now, I’d like to make sure this curveball doesn’t happen. I’d like the ability to stop it before it ever leaves the pitcher’s mound.

Of course, until time travel is invented or until parallel universes are discovered via Fringe style, I can’t do that, can I? I can’t change the past, and I can’t peak into a parallel universe to see what my life should or could be. After all, every curveball provides a crossroads, and those are a scary thing. I’d love to see what various opportunities are really afforded here. Who wouldn’t? Life doesn’t work that way, but because I’m a writer, my brain wants to explore all sorts of possibilities. In fiction, that’s great. It lets you look at story from all sorts of different angles and find the best one. In real life, there are no revisions, no do-overs, and no certainties. You just have to pick a path and throw yourself into it and hope and pray it’s the right decision, something you won’t know for sure until time has passed and perspective is provided. Perhaps, not even then.

I apologize for being vague and maudlin. To be honest, I don’t like talking about personal things, let alone talking about them online. I understand it’s unhealthy for me, because I need to be able to let things out, but I thoroughly dislike the idea of writing in a physical journal for anyone to pick up and read, and the idea of hiding something like I’m a teenager does not appeal. But 2014 is the kind of year that so far, I can’t be too specific, simply because I’m still processing and it’s sensitive, oh so very sensitive. But yet, I need to express. One thing that’s slowly getting reinforced as years go by is that I’m a writer, and I need to write. Journals or novels or stories or whatever, I need to let things out. Writing is easier than talking. Definitely more powerful, because I have the time to craft my words, make them weapons if need be. I don’t need weapons right now, but I do need release.

I need 2014 to start over so I can shape it into the year it needs to be.

A Year in Reflection: 2013

~ Shara ~ 7 Comments

Every year, I struggle to believe that it’s already over. I remember when I was a child, when my year was structured into definitive patterns: school, break, vacation, etc. Now the months just slide on by, because every day of every month is marked with more of the same. Work, eat, sleep, repeat. When I was compiling addresses for Christmas cards this year, I always felt at a loss when people asked what I’ve been up to lately, because for me, the answer is, the same old thing. I don’t look at my life as anything interesting or exciting, and as a result, when people ask what’s up, all I do is shrug, you know?

I realized, a few days ago, that such a response is somewhat disingenuous of me. Because while my life is not filled with the crazy ups and downs (we don’t have kids, we’re not having marital difficulty, we’ve not moved or had major job upheavals, etc), there are things I should be really, really proud of this year, things that are worth talking about. So I thought I’d share them here, with you.

1) I retired the book blog. It was a bittersweet event, but one I knew needed to happen, because it was a major source of anxiety for me, and I found I was getting more and more jaded by the books I read, rather than simply enjoying them for what they were. Looking back, I’m very proud of all the work I did there and the community I fostered, but I don’t regret closing it. I can’t believe I found the time to read so much or write so many reviews. But that’s because I’ve filled that time with other things.

2) I’m slowly getting over my cooking-phobia. It’s a running joke in mine and my husband’s families: I don’t cook. I can do a few things, sure, but any more than those few things I’m likely to screw up somehow (like the time I put the Hot Pocket in the microwave without its cooking sleeve). My husband and I have a handful of things we argue about, and cooking is one of them. However, ever since I discovered the Andes Mint Cookie recipe, I’ve been starting to branch out and getting a wee bit more comfortable in the kitchen. Mostly cookies, and cake-mix cookies at that. However, I’ve also tried a few glazes for salmon, and of the meals we usually make, I started helping out more and have gradually gotten to the point where, if need be, I can do it myself. I know I need to branch out even more, but this year’s been a good step.

3) I’ve actually developed an exercise regimen and I’ve stuck to it. Mostly. The spring got me walking again, and my employer’s walking initiative kicked my motivation into competitive mode so that I can reach and pass 10,000 steps a day. Not only did that get me walking daily, but it also got me on the elliptical every morning before work for 30 minutes. The walking initiative is over, and with the time change and colder weather, walking is on the back-burner until the weather warms up again, but I’ve kept up the elliptical, which is something of an amazing accomplishment for me. I’d like to find something to complement it next year, and that’s going to take some digging, but working out on a regular basis has been an amazing thing, not because I love exercise or anything, but because I’ve kept it up (we won’t talk about the recent holiday gorging on sweets or the days I’ve been skipping due to my cold, no sir).

4) While I can’t talk specifics, we reached a great milestone at work, and as a result, I was treated to an all-expense paid trip to St. Louis to visit headquarters and attend some fantastic sessions to keep upping my game at work and sessions that I could also apply to my own personal life in terms of, well, just being better. Learning how to undo negative thinking and trying to take more positive routes isn’t something that’s done overnight, but trying to take the more positive route in my head instead of the negative one has been really helpful and uplifting. I find myself more cheerful and less stressed. That doesn’t mean NO stress. I’ve had a few late nights at work where it felt like everything was piling up on me, but the difference is before, I would’ve gone home with a migraine, and now I’m not. This is something I’m still working on, but that trip to St. Louis taught me a lot about myself and my job and what I want to accomplish, and that’s a good thing.

5) This is more nebulous, but I realized I’ve got to stop compartmentalizing my life. I’ve always treated my life like a little kid treats their dinner plate: things must not touch! So I had college friends in one box, writing friends in another, family in another, my interests in a billion different ones, and so on and so forth. Do you know how draining it is trying to be one person for each of things things, rather than embracing it all and saying if you don’t like it, fuck it? Seriously. Growing up, I groomed myself to be the kind of person that is accommodating and to be what other people want and expect. And to some extent, that’s a good trait to have (especially when you work with the public on any level), but everywhere else, it’s exhausting. I shouldn’t be apologetic for my interests, no matter how disparate they appear, and I need to stop living in the mind set of “One day, when I grow up, life will be THIS.” Fuck that. I’m 33 years old and living life NOW. What, exactly, am I waiting for? It’s time to take who and what I am and take the cards life’s given me and play the best hand possible, rather than waiting on the magical winning hand that’ll give me the ever-elusive jackpot. And on that note:

6) Like Minute Maid’s slogan says, “Put good in, get good out.” Where I live often gives me a crushing feeling of isolation. None of the people I would call good friends or even best friends are local, and all the writing events or readings I would love to attend aren’t even remotely local, which means in order to visit the people I love, or attend the events I want to, I need to travel, which costs vacation time and money, both of which are not limitless. As a result, I’d find myself feeling bruised and chafed when friends would talk about things they did on Facebook, things I would’ve loved to do but I wasn’t able to (or wasn’t invited). But I realized: what do I expect? I’m not reaching out to these people, I’m not making my interests or wants or desires known. I’ve let my relationships go stagnant, so how can I expect them to include me when I’m probably just an occasional reminder on a Facebook page? I have to start putting myself out there. I have to start re-cultivating these relationships. I have to stop looking at my local friendships as less superior and embrace the time I have with these people, because while I am an introvert by nature, I require a healthy dose of social interaction. In person, online, whatever: put good in, get good out. Time to stop looking in and start looking out.

7) Part of that “put good in, get good out” philosophy is something I’m attributing to myself as a writer. Last year, I finished the crap-draft of a fantasy novel that, in 2014, I’m going to sit down and really hammer into shape. But for 2013, I’m close to finishing a prequel novel to my thesis novel (code name Telepathic Soulmates for those of you who are following up on that). The prequel wasn’t originally going to be an actual novel, but it’s kind of turned into that. I would kill to have it done by the end of the year, but that means I probably shouldn’t be writing this blog post, because I’ve got a decent chunk to churn out if I want to meet that deadline. Regardless, I’ve been happy with my progress this year. I’m starting to take myself a little more seriously as a writer, and I’m trying to look ahead about what I want to accomplish, when I want to accomplish it, and how. The Telepathic Soulmates world is a big one, and I realize it’s not something I want to rush out, because I’m still making discoveries that are molding and shaping the world and its characters. That’s why I’m going to polish the fantasy novel (code name: Magic Elves) next year so that I’ll have something to shop around that isn’t my precious, you know? Also helping shape my writerly frame of mind is the weekly podcast Writing Excuses (15 minutes, because you’re in a hurry, and they’re not that smart–>that’s their slogan. If that doesn’t make you want to listen to the podcast, I don’t know what will). If you’re a writer of any sort (hobby, amateur, want-to-be-professional, whatever), start listening to this puppy. It’s free, and it’s worth it.

8) On December 30th, my husband and I will celebrate our 15 year Together anniversary, and our 5 year wedding anniversary. That’s right: we got married on our ten year dating anniversary. The plan, provided this cold I’m fighting doesn’t get in the way, to go to our favorite fancy-pants restaurant and enjoy good food and good drinks. But 15 years together without killing each other is an amazing thing, and hell, so is five years married. We’ve got each other, and we’ve got the cat. Things are good.

9) I got off the pill. Women know of what I speak. While the hubby and I aren’t trying to have children, being on the pill for so long was doing things to my hormone levels that frankly wasn’t good for me mentally. I’ve been off the pill since June, and that, combined with the exercise and various tweaks I’m making to my diet, have me feeling far, far better, which makes everyone happy.

10) No list is complete without 10 items, right? So last but not least, I’m trying to be more decisive. It’s not that I wasn’t before, but you remember what I said about being accommodating? It’s a bad thing when you’re doing it all the time, or when you think your wants aren’t as important, or you feel like you shouldn’t have the things you want for whatever reason (but namely reasons that are all in your head and involve you punishing yourself). So to that affect, I’ve been trying to be a bit more assertive in the little things: if I want something (for dinner, to listen to on a car ride, to watch a particular movie), I say so. If I definitely don’t want something, I say so. It doesn’t mean I get my way every time, but at least I’m making a clear declaration, you know?

BONUS ITEM: I served on a jury for the first time this year, on a murder trial no less. It was fascinating, and if you missed my break down, you can read all about it here.

That’s my 2013. There were other minor ups and downs, but nothing to expound upon here (though I could put up a post from my cat’s point of view of the year. That would be mighty entertaining). I’ll probably try and put up a post about what I hope for 2014 or what I look forward to, but that’s gonna have to wait. Right now, I’ve got laundry to do, reading to do, and a book to finish writing.

How was your 2013? What was your biggest accomplishment? Any regrets? Things that you want to make better?

Stay-Cation Ideas

~ Shara ~ 10 Comments

So. The end of the year is nigh, and I’ve got a few vacation days left to schedule. We’ve already taken our trip for the year (Atlanta to see the Braves play against the Phillies in the last series of the regular season; also, the zoo!), so any remaining vacation days will likely just be days OFF, unless we decide to do a day trip somewhere. And of late, I’ve been feeling like my free time is taken up with chores and obligations. Laundry is endless, and now that I’ve established a walking routine, that takes a good chunk out of my free time too. I’m THISCLOSE to finishing my Hellblazer read and I’m getting ready to dig into House of Leaves in earnest, both items that belong on the “Stuff My Husband Makes Me Read.”

In short, I find myself lacking the time and liberty to do stuff for me. Stuff that’s not necessarily productive, but refreshing and enjoyable all the same. So while I may not be able to do the following on my remaining vacation days, I’m going to keep them in the back of my mind for future days off. I really wish I’d had this list in 2010, because not only was I recovering from gallbladder surgery, but I had a ton of vacation to use up before the end of the year (it was the last year I had more vacation time than my husband, who’d just changed jobs).

Anyway, if I had a week off to myself with no other obligations, here are some things I’d try to do:

1) Turn Mount TBR into a Slush Pile

For those of you not familiar with industry jargon, a slush pile is what magazines and editors get: unsolicited manuscripts from writers hoping to get published. Slush readers review your cover letter, read your sample, and either pass your work up the line for the higher-ups to read or send you a rejection.

What I’d like to do is take my TBR pile (books I’ve bought because I thought they were interesting) and turn it into a slush pile. First, I’d divide the TBR into two piles: stuff I know I’m gonna read because it’s a sequel of something I love or its by an author I love will go in one pile to go straight back to the shelf, and the second pile will be the stuff up for slush. Then I’d take that slush pile and read the first thirty pages. Or the first chapter. Or just enough to give me an idea whether or not I’m still interested in reading the book and whether or not the writing and all that entails holds my interest. If so, yay! I’ll put the book back into Mount TBR for later consumption. If not, boo! Book goes into the rejection pile to be placed on Paperback Swap or go to a used book store at a later date.

And I’m pretty sure I’d need a full week to do this. To date, I have 267 books in the TBR pile, not including the 37 books in my Star Wars TBR pile, and that doesn’t include all the books I didn’t add to Mount TBR because they’re collector’s items or classics or nonfiction I want to have but just not read right now. And the TBR pile is hungry, and it is always growing.

BTW: TBR = To-Be-Read

2) Disney Movie Marathon!

Let’s be real: I’m a Disney fangirl. Not of all things Disney, just mostly the Princess stuff. And Oliver and Company. And The Lion King. And, well, okay, I just love Disney animated features. When Disney first started re-leasing their animated movies on DVD in the Platinum Editions (Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, I started collecting DVD sets. Sure, I was in college, and no, I didn’t have kids, but I was going to have those DVDs!

What would I watch? Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Robin Hood, The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Beauty and the Beast, Oliver & Company, The Little Mermaid, The Little Mermaid II, The Little Mermaid: Ariel’s Beginning, and The Lion King. Then I’d find a way to get my hands on Aladdin, Bambi, Cinderella, Peter Pan, The Lady & The Tramp, One Hundred and One Dalmatians, The Fox and the Hound, The Aristocats, Pocahontas, and Mulan. THEN, if I still had time, I’d just hit the Pixar collection hard, and people would probably never see or hear from me again.

Is it any wonder I’m such a fan of Once Upon a Time?

3) Favorite Movie Marathon!

Sometimes, I just want to curl up on the sofa and watch a favorite movie. It rejuvenates me, invigorates me, inspires me. Reminds me why I want to be a writer. OR sometimes those favorite movies that are just plain fun that I enjoy the hell out of. But, we’ve got so many NEW things on Netflix and Hulu and iTunes to watch that it’s hard to justify a re-watch, and even if my husband and I agree to watch something we’ve already seen, it’s rare that we’re in the mood to re-watch the same thing.

So what would I pop in? The Lord of the Rings trilogy, extended editions. Top that with The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey: The Extended Edition. Then I’d slap Star Wars in there, ALL SIX MOVIES, but in machete order (maybe). After those genre-defining classics, I’d pull out Moulin Rouge, Shakespeare in Love, The Princess Bride, Fight Club, The Fountain, Big Fish, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Pitch Black, The Chronicles of Riddick, Love Actually, Jurassic Park, King Arthur, The Last Samurai, The Last Unicorn, Newsies, Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl, Spaceballs, The Sound of Music, Robin Hood: Men in Tights, The Truman Show, Titanic, The Three Musketeers (Disney version), Casino Royale (Daniel Craig version), 500 Days of Summer, Batman Begins, The Dark Knight, The Dark Knight Rises, The Matrix, Moon, The Orphanage, Star Trek (yes, the Abrams version), Stargate, V for Vendetta and Wall*E.

And this is just the stuff I’ve got a hard copy of. I’m probably blanking on some movies that I loved but don’t own (for the most part, we’ve stopped buying things on DVD/BluRay). Also, I’m sure this list calls into question my tastes, but at least there’s some variety to the list, right? And there are some classics here that if you don’t like, well, you might be an alien. 😉

Pretty sure this plan would take, like, a month to get through. 🙂

4) One-Season Wonder Marathon!

Then there’s television. There are shows that I absolutely love but were canceled way too soon. My husband really isn’t interesting in re-watching any of these because they didn’t end “properly,” but I say screw that: the shows were captivating in their own way, and I want to remember why I loved them so. So via Netflix or Hulu or whatever method I could get my hands on, I’d marathon Defying Gravity, Awake, Pushing Daisies, Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, and Better Off Ted. And let’s just throw in Deadwood for good measure.

Again, that’s just the stuff I can remember.

So there are my stay-cation plans, should the stars ever align for me to take advantage of at least one of them. Which one do you like best, or at the very least, which one do you see yourself doing? What are YOUR stay-cation ideas?

The Dolls I Never Had, and Those I Did

~ Shara ~ 11 Comments

So yesterday’s post about all the dolls I found online that I wanted to add to my collection got me thinking. Most people would assume that due to my interest and due to my being a girl, that I grew up playing with dolls.

They would be wrong.

I was never into dolls as a child. Never cared for babydolls, nor Cabbage Patch dolls, and unless you count my She-Ra action figures as dolls, they weren’t really my go-to toy. I was a My Little Pony kind of girl, and that’s what my childhood centered around.

However, I remember wanting one, very specific Barbie.

I saw a commercial for it on television. I was in pre-school. I just Googled the specific Barbie, and bam, there she is: Magic Moves Barbie. She was a total glamor girl, and she had a beautiful blue dress, and she MOVED. So that year, for my birthday, I told my family I wanted THAT Barbie.

I got a Barbie all right. But not that one. I got this one instead.

I hated her.

I also decided Barbie was NOT for me and stuck with my Ponies until the day in second grade when my best friend introduced me to Jem and the Holograms. I was hooked. My first doll was Aja, and then my first actual Jem doll was Flash’n Sizzle Jem (her earring lit up!!!) and then later I got Rock’n Curl Jem. I loved those dolls, and those dolls gradually got me into more, and I ended up with a Cheerleader Maxie Doll (does anyone remember that franchise?) and a few Barbies in the end (school girl Skipper and a tennis-playing Midge, who was one of Barbie’s friends and had the most unfortunate name ever).

It’s weird, because I really didn’t get into the stuff until I’d reached the age it was kind of too late to be playing with them, but I’d made friends who had fun collections, and we had a grand old time.

So I guess I did play with dolls as a girl. Just not when I was super-young. And I always felt (and maybe all kids feel like this, even when getting what they want), that I never had exactly the dolls I wanted. There was always a Jem doll that I’d covet at the store but couldn’t get. A particular Barbie. Or, of course, an Ariel doll from The Little Mermaid (who, looking back on it, was particular atrocious, but at the time, I would’ve adored her!). I’m not sure what this says about me, but I think it goes a long way to explaining why it’s dolls I gravitate towards now for collecting, not My Little Ponies. I had all of those I could want and more (and some I didn’t, but I learned to be choosy), so I don’t feel the need to revisit that, you know?

Anyway, going back and finding pictures of these various dolls has been something of a mind trip. Anybody got any favorites to share from when they were growing up?

Doll Hunting on the Internet

~ Shara ~ 24 Comments

It started innocently enough. I was browsing through Entertainment Weekly’s site and came upon an article about the new dolls for The Hunger Games: Catching Fire. It caught my interest because I pretty well liked the doll Mattel came up with for Katniss for The Hunger Games (a doll I wish I’d picked up), and I wanted to see what they did for the second movie (an aside: I love that Mattel has, thus far, resisted putting Katniss in her Capitol Dresses and focused instead on what she actually wears for realz, you know?), and I wanted to see how the Catching Fire doll would compare.

Which led me directly to Mattel’s BarbieCollector.com site, which got me browsing through their collectable dolls catalog. I’ve always been somewhat in awe of their actual collector dolls. You know, the stuff that’s not actually meant to be taken out of the box, but if you do, you better damn well display it somewhere? So I was, of course, in awe, by the various dolls for sale and came upon one that knocked my socks off. It’s called The Queen of Constellations and it’s Amidala-Awesome.

While reading the description, I learned this doll was the third and final in a series of three “futuristic space goddess series,” so of course, I had to Google the other two dolls. Those were cool too, but no where near as fabulous as “The Queen of Constellations.”

All of this drooling reminded me of one of my first doll-collecting sprees, that of Disney’s The Little Mermaid. See, I was about eight when the movie originally premiered in theaters, and I. Fracking. Loved. That. Movie. I wanted everything Little Mermaid I could get my hands on, but one thing I never got was an actual Ariel doll. Some of my friends had them, and I was wildly jealous. But I never had my own. Until college, when I discovered that Disney still made Disney Princess dolls and sometimes, they’d release an awesome Ariel doll that was meant for me, the COLLECTOR, and not for little girls to take out and play with.

I don’t remember how many dolls I ended up with. A handful, maybe, and now that my memory’s all shoddy I need to go to my grandmother’s and do some digging. But I remembered seeing, last year, a Disney Holiday Princess Cinderella, and after doing research last year, I learned that they released one Disney Princess per year in this collection. So I filed that knowledge away so I could look for Ariel one day. I Googled it, and wouldn’t you know, 2013’s edition just so happens to be Ariel!

It’s a little disappointing to me. She looks too bright-eyed and girly, and that’s saying something, because bright-eyed and girly is what Ariel does you know?

You know where this is leading, right? I started Googling for other collectable Ariel dolls, stuff I’ve missed since college.

I found this beauty, and given the fact it was just re-released earlier this month means I might actually be able to find the beauty. I see a trip to the Disney store in my future!).

I found this designer rendition, which came out in 2011 and is part of the designer princess collection and pre-dates the fascinating designer villains collection last year, which included this unfortunately (see what I did there?) skinny Ursula Doll, which looks fabulous in person and I really wish I’d gotten it last year when I saw it in the store, but alas… money.

This set comes out later this month, and I have to admit, I’m really curious to see it in person: It’s Eric and Ariel both!

And lastly, on The Little Mermaid front, these are two dolls that I think I may have gotten ONE of while I was in college, but I’m not sure. I really need to sort through my stuff at my grandmother’s. Aqua Fantasy Ariel and Summer Seas Ariel.

By time I got through these, and poked around the online Disney Store for other goodies (Ariel coffee mugs!), I decided to take one more peek at the truly outrageous new Jem and the Holograms dolls: Original gallery here at The Mary Sue.com and even MORE dolls featured at The Mary Sue.

In conclusion, I need more money. And some epic display cases/devoted rooms to the fandoms of my childhood.

Walk This Way….

~ Shara ~ 11 Comments

So on Friday, the walking initiative at my workplace officially ended. The goal was to get all participants to hit 10,000 steps a day, and as an individual participant, I think I kicked ass. Between taking daily walks and hitting the elliptical for 30 minutes every workday morning, I totaled roughly 967,687 steps from May 13th through August 2nd. I say roughly because sometimes, I forgot to attach the pedometer (like when I woke up at 2 in the morning to pee). That’s 82 days, and that averages to roughly 11,801 steps per day.

So yeah, I kicked ass. 🙂

Part of it was great weather. While we had rain, more often than not I was able to squeeze my thirty minute walk in at some point in the evening. On weekends or vacation days/holidays, when I didn’t force myself to do the elliptical, I did two laps around my neighborhood instead of one lap. I discovered that I prefer walking in the heat (with plenty of sunscreen) rather than the evening when it cools off. Sweat is far more preferable to bugs.

On weekdays, I learned that getting up at 6:00 am to jump on the elliptical for thirty minutes actually wasn’t that bad. I thought for sure I’d hate it, but really? While I wasn’t like, Woo-hoo, EXERCISE!!!, I still felt pretty good. I was awake and mobile in the morning by time I got to work, and that led to me feeling far more productive. Also, short of vacation days/holidays (of which I took a handful), I only missed two elliptical sessions: once because I was up for nearly half the night and didn’t think that jumping on the machine the following morning would be good for me, and the second because somehow I slept through my husband’s obnoxious alarm not just once, but TWICE that same morning, which prompted me to set my own alarm from that morning onward. You know, just in case.

Also, to keep up the steps, I set a chime on my phone to go off hourly while I was at the office, a reminder to get up and move around, which involved me walking the inner parameter of our office, just to stretch my legs and back.

My best day I hit 22,390 steps: not only did I do the elliptical that morning, but I took two laps around the neighborhood that afternoon because I felt like it. I think that day was also a grocery store day.

My worst day was 3307 steps: it was a vacation day, so I shrugged off the elliptical, but it also rained all day, so no walking.

So now that it’s over, the big question is, will I keep it up? I want to. I know there’s going to be a part of me that’s like, “I don’t have to record my steps any more… I can shrug this off….” but I don’t want to do that. I’m rather attached to my pedometer, the bulky thing, even though I don’t have to use it anymore. Yet I know what I need to do during any given day to reach a minimum of 10,000 steps, so it’s not like I need it. But it’s an accountability tool, you know? Without the elliptical or my daily walks, I’m lucky to hit 3000 steps in a day, which just goes to show you how lazy and sedentary I can be when I put my mind to it.

So yeah: Monday morning, I keeping the alarm set at six. I plan on dragging my ass out of bed and getting on the elliptical, even though the official, work-related challenge is over. Because it’s better for me, and I might as well do it while I can, you know? Who knows what winter will bring, and I’d really like to drive this habit home.

I’m Still Here….

~ Shara ~ 2 Comments

Jeez, I can’t believe it’s been nearly a month since I posted last. I don’t have all that many excuses as to why not. Well, I do: I’ve been reading for the Hugos, which was the priority this month, and I’ve been gorging on Netflix with the husband, which has been rather enjoyable. There have been other things keeping my brain from the computer, but those aren’t worth writing about here, not right now. In short, my brain has been full. Maybe it’s the heat?

Whatever the excuse, I owed you all SOME kind of post, so let this be that. Hi! I voted for the Hugos today (deadline is July 31st), and I’ve got some thoughts on that, but I’d really rather wait until voting is over, so that my commentary doesn’t influence people in any unfair way. I’ll be posting a month’s end entertainment tally, which will include not just my reading for the month, but everything I’ve been watching too. And of course, I can always talk about my cat, who has lost the nickname of “The Vomiteer,” and is now “The Hackmaster.”

See, there’s stuff to look forward to! Just remind me. 🙂

So Behind….

~ Shara ~ 12 Comments

Oy, it’s been a while since I’ve posted, so let’s summarize with a list:

1) My cat had a virus a couple of weeks ago. Strange to think that an indoor-only cat could get a VIRUS of all things, but as my vet explained, things can get on your shoes. I walk daily, and my cat LOVES my tennis shoes. So, after a scary bout of non-normal vomiting from my cat, the tennis shoes stay in the closet, and he’s feeling much better. After getting a couple of shots and sleeping the virus off, of course. And thank goodness. At his age (11 years) and weight (17 pounds), any irregular vomiting is something to be concerned about.

2) It’s been raining cats and dogs here. We’re lucky in that we were still able to have fun at two cookouts on the 4th of July, but the rain is ridiculous. And insulting. Somethings I feel like the Big Man Upstairs should pay attention and share the wealth: the fact the East is getting hit with a crapton of rain while the west is burning? Not cool, man… not cool.

3) Due to the rain, I haven’t been able to walk since Thursday. And Thursday morning, when I walked, I forgot to wear my glasses. That was fun. And blurry.

4) Oh, yes, I had a 4.5 day weekend. Full of RAIN. But I made up for that by reading for the Hugos and watching Netflix like a boss.

5) Did you know there’s a movie called Trollhunter and it’s not a SyFy Original Movie? Did you know it’s actually good? Frightening, I know, but if you get a chance to watch, give it a shot: it’s actually a foreign film. I thought the make-up of the trolls was a tick too Jim Henson-ish for my tastes, but the effects and story? Surprisingly enjoyable.

6) I was writing daily, and then I stopped. I blame vacation time. And lots of reading. It’s a pendulum, I swear: if I’m reading a lot, I’m not writing, and if I’m writing a lot, I’m not reading.

7) On the 4th of July, I finally got to try dandelion wine for the first time. Surprisingly sweet, and very enjoyable.

8) That’s all I’ve got for now. Tomorrow is Monday, which means getting back to the grind. Yay?

Fear Factor

~ Shara ~ 13 Comments

Weird story. I’ll go ahead and spoil the ending: it was all paranoia. But the fact the paranoia even existed is the very point of the story.

I’m not going to tell you where I work. I will tell you that I’m in a two-person office and I’m something of an office manager. I keep things running smoothly; I keep things in order. I’m not the boss. That’s the other person in the office. But I’m female, and the boss is male, and the boss is a man that if you saw him you probably wouldn’t want to start something. He is a big guy.

He left early the other day and told me to leave at four. I had a 3:00 appointment and a 3:30 appointment to handle after he left, but it was all good. My 3:00 was easy paperwork stuff. Get a guy to sign a form, send the form to home office, and ta-da! We’re done. Easy, 5 minute appointment tops.

He calls and lets me know he’s running a bit late. That’s fine, but I find out during the course of the conversation his son is with him. His son is an adult. Again, fine. But here’s where the paranoia kicks in:

I’m a female, alone in the office, and I’ll be facing not one, but two grown men. Odds are everything will be fine (and it was), but I had a moment of panic: my boss wasn’t there. If these guys decided to try something, anything, I’d be up shit’s creek. I’m pretty sure I could fight off ONE person, but two? So my brain started wondering whether or not I should unlock the back door, that way I could run for it if I really had to, but then I realized that by leaving the back door unlocked, it’d leave the door open (pun intended) for strangers to come in. Worse, I’d forget the door was unlocked after my appointments, and that would be very bad indeed. No one wants to leave their office unlocked all night, do they?

Like I said, all my paranoid fears were for nothing. And I do have a panic button that essentially calls the local cops ASAP if I push it. My 3:00 appointment arrived, left his adult son in the car, signed his paper and was very nice and congenial and thanked me for my help. I smiled back and told him to let us know if there was anything else we could do to help. Did I feel bad for mentally freaking out? You bet.

See? Paranoid. Nothing to worry about. And that’s usually my motto. There’s a handful of people we work with that my boss has told me (or I’ve told my boss) that I shouldn’t be alone with, because said (male) person gives off creepy vibes. One of those said people on my boss’ list (not mine, I think he’s a harmless old man who appreciates younger women in a non-creepy way) showed up out of the blue last week when my boss wasn’t in with a question that could’ve really been handled over the phone and really shouldn’t have been asked to begin with: this guy, he’s smarter than the question he asked me. And I realized, after he’d left and I was getting on with my very busy morning, that he probably just stopped by to see me. Not chat, not like lonely old people do. But he wanted an excuse to see me. That’s it. And the realization ticked me off, because I was having a bad, busy morning.

When people talk about rape culture or how it sucks that women are the ones who are taught not to be victims, but men aren’t taught how NOT to be a victimizer, this is the bullshit our culture has produced: women, like me, who have a legitimate, however paranoid fear, of being alone with strange men and because we’ve been taught to “stay safe,” have to mentally chart escape routes just in case.

If I had been a men, none of these situations would’ve been a bother. But I’m a women, and therefore both situations were. It’s not that I’m afraid of being alone with men. I sometimes scoff at people who my boss thinks is creepy and I don’t, but I do have MY list of people who are creepy. Men who, if they have an appointment, I don’t want to spend a single minute alone with in the lobby. Men who, if I’m on the phone with them, make me shudder even though they don’t say anything wrong except the occasional “honey” or “baby” or “sweetheart.”

Being a part of the customer service oriented business I am means I don’t get to be a bitch and say, “Don’t call me that,” and set them straight. I’m in the South, and that means a lot of those endearments are just old school habits that don’t go away. And even if I wasn’t in the South, I still couldn’t be a bitch and set them straight, because in my line of work, customer service is important.

But I have to deal with them. Because I’m female. And my whole point is that I shouldn’t have to. I shouldn’t have a list of clients, however small, whom I don’t want to be alone in the room with. My boss shouldn’t have a list, however small, of clients HE doesn’t want me in a room alone with. I shouldn’t have paranoid fears that just because I’m alone in the office and a male client comes in. I shouldn’t feel the need to prepare, just in case.

But I have to, because I’m female. And those paranoid fears, however fleeting? Those anxieties or that dread? That isn’t going away. And that’s really, really unfortunate. Because while what I’ve talked about is the norm for most women, and what I’ve talked about is wicked tame compared to what many other women go through, it’s still a drain on us. It’s a drain because it’s normalized and it shouldn’t be.

That is all.

It’s a Matter of Focus

~ Shara ~ 8 Comments

So lately, I’ve been having trouble focusing. Not in all areas, mind you: I’m doing well keeping up with the elliptical and my daily walks. My daily installment of Hellblazer is coming along without much fuss. The husband and I have dropped both DirecTV and our land line, and we’ve been using Netflix like it’s going out of style — I’m just now getting to watch Arrested Development for the first time, and we’re working through House of Cards too. Great stuff. Also, movies: World War Z was this past weekend, and Man of Steel the weekend before.

So it’s not like I don’t have plenty to do outside of my day job. But I haven’t been able to focus on reading. I read a page or two, get distracted and do something else. Even if I’m wanting to read the book, my brain is still churning a million miles an hour, thinking of other things.

Namely writing. But instead of THINKING about writing, my brain is pre-writing: in the past week-and-a-half my brain has been swimming in the world-building of Telepathic Soulmates***, working out details for future fixes of that draft while also trying to find the real story in the sequel, Prison Planet, for which I now have a promising arc for, thanks to my good friend Michele. And lastly, I’m writing (yes, writing) a page-a-day, but it’s what I’m calling Not a Prequel Novel. Because I’m not going into it with any sort of real STORY in mind. Rather, I want to take two characters who are supporting characters in Telepathic Soulmates and tell their story. Their story takes place chronologically before Telepathic Soulmates, so it gives me the opportunity I need and want to really explore the world-building in ways I won’t get to do in revision. So it’s fun. I think.

It is funny: when I’m REALLY into whatever I’m writing, I don’t have much brainpower for reading. Which goes a long way in explaining how, when I was book-blogging and reading all the time, I didn’t have any brainpower for writing. The book blog has been closed for month now, and I’m just now able to pore my energies into creating my own fiction instead of absorbing the fiction of others.

Don’t get me wrong: writers have to do both. I’m just trying to find the balance.

*** = as always, these titles are actually aliases for the novels I’m working on, not their REAL titles. Except for Not a Prequel Novel, because it doesn’t have a title and what I would call it would make no sense to anyone who hasn’t read Telepathic Soulmates