So I Run and Hide and Tear Myself Up

I came across two blog posts yesterday that I’ve been chewing on: the first by author Malinda Lo, “On Self Rejection and Writing From a Marginalized Perspective” and the second, which references the first, by Kate Elliot, “The Courage to Say Yes.” Both posts talk about self-rejection, which stood out to me like a flashing neon sign.

I’ve been self-rejecting for so long it feels like my entire life. One of the reasons it’s taken so damn long to really get up the gumption to start agent-shopping is, ultimately, self-rejection. I’m not saying I’m cured of it by any means, but over the course of the last year I’ve had to face a lot of demons down. Through therapy, I’ve learned how to pick my battles, how to fight, how to stand up for myself. I don’t always win, but the state my mind is in now versus where it was last year is completely different. Not devoid of self-rejection, but not consumed by it either. Self-rejection is no longer smothering my motivation.

I’m sharing these articles so that I have something to come back to when I need the reminder that self-rejection is something I need to fight. I’m sharing these posts for my friends who are also writers, but who might also need the reminder that self-rejection is something that needs to be fought. I’m writing it for anyone and everyone who wants to break free to find a way to be happy, for those whose self-rejection is one the biggest hurdles to overcome.

Today’s headline brought to you by Thirty Seconds to Mars from their debut album, 30 Seconds to Mars. The song, “Capricorn (A Brand New Name)” can be heard here.

One thought on “So I Run and Hide and Tear Myself Up

  1. It is so hard. 😛 I have finally just started rewarding myself for risk taking. Even for ridiculously small risks. Send a story out somewhere? I can have a fancy coffee. The worst part is the self-rejecting that prevents you from finishing a project, because it just seems like it’s coming out all wrong. But it definitely can be fought, and it does get easier.

    Liked by 1 person

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